In the old country house, the afternoon light came streaming through the west window. It was a house with a wide belly, one in which the shaded east side provided rich contrast to the afternoon sun. Amber sat at the table, sipping tea, and the play of shadow and light across her face created the essential moment.

Know thyself—it’s necessary to live a waking life. For the last few days, we’ve seen how knowing our values, gifts, and the things that bring us joy lead us to the light. This kind of knowing, though, is only one half of the equation. Our shadows—they offer a fuller, more complex view of the self.

On Monday, I asked you to make 5 “Know Thyself” lists. (If you haven’t completed the lists, stop what you’re doing and go back to the beginning. We’ll wait.) Today, revisit the last two of those lists.

List Four: The things that bring me pain.

List Five: The things I used to distract me from pain.

The shadows of pain can be a difficult thing to explore. The memory of any pain—abuse, loss, or scarcity—is a scourge, a plague, a haunting ghost. But in my years of exploring sobriety (yes, it’s an ongoing exploration), I’ve found that finding lasting peace without knowing (and dealing with) our pain is an impossibility. Why? Because it’s the pain that underlies our creeping dread, anxiety, and depression. It’s our creeping dread, our anxiety, our depression that so often leads us to the bottle (or the pill or the porn or the shopping cart or the slot machine or the approval of people or our manipulation tactics or whatever).

Today, carve out twenty minutes to sit with the last two lists, these shadow lists. Begin your time with a brief meditation, then review the pain list. Dig deep and ask, “How do I feel when I look at the list of pain.” Peel back the layers of emotions, making your way past the initial feeling (e.g., anger) and into your secondary emotions (e.g., anger — feeling misunderstood — the sense of abandonment — the resulting isolation). Then take a hard look at the things you use to cope with those pains. Name them. Are those coping mechanisms healthy? Are they addictions?

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Wake Up?

My next book, The Book of Waking Up: Experiencing the Divine Love that Reorders a Life* is available for pre-order NOW. (Amazon, Barnes & Noble) Pre-orders are vital to the success of a book, so please do not wait. Order today. And if you do, let me know via email. I’ll send you a sample along with the 3-part video series that gave rise to this book!

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