To Understand Fragmentation, consider…

an addict I once knew—I was him—who curated his drinking circles. The partner in the office, the happy-hour clients, the after-six drink with the wife. It was the fragmentation of his drinking circles that kept anyone from knowing just how dependent he was. It was the fragmentation that kept his drinking habit alive.

Remember the preacher who banged the Word on Sunday morning, all fire and brimstone? Remember the stories, how he walked women through the backdoor of his study on Monday mornings and counseled them to take off their clothes? Jekyll and Hyde—who could distinguish? The fragmentation kept both his appetites satiated and his church afloat. His fragmentation kept the women siloed too, each thinking he loved her alone.

A friend tells me he’s kept a secret from his wife. “It’s not a big deal,” he says, and I suppose he’s right. Still, this sort of splitting yourself from your wife—isn’t it a sort of fragmentation?

I am lonely, a member of the masses thinks. So, she reaches for her cellphone and projects the best image of herself to a few thousand followers on Instagram. People like her, comment on her sense of style or fashion or snark or whatever. For a moment, she feels comfortably numb until she returns from the digital to the real.

The Causes of Fragmentation…

are myriad, I think. The institutions that used to shape our identities are not as sticky as we once thought. Marriage, the church, politics—what are these but discardable preferences? Yesterday I preferred artistic blonds but today I prefer intellectual brunettes. I prefer life or choice or The Five Solas or whatever.

Example: I still love the woman I married 20 years ago, but I am no longer Baptist or non-denominational or Anglican, and I no longer register as Republican or Democrat. The institutions of my youth have fallen away.

Careers are less sticky, too. Gone are the days of the 9 to 5 with bad health care and a modest pension. We are now bosses to ourselves, which seems dope until you consider the fact that we’re less stable, with worse health care, and no pension. These days, we say what we must to pay the bills.

Example: A friend tells me he’d write whatever for whomever so long as it paid the bills. Truth be damned, he has mouths to feed.

As institutions have become less sticky, digital distraction has become more real. We’ve entered the days of curated personalities, days when we can project a personal brand without having to be held accountable to it in our everyday lives. At least that’s my experience.

Example: Yesterday, in an emotional outburst, I cursed like a sailor. Did anyone in my digital world hear it? Hell, no.

There are other causes to our fragmentation to be sure, though I’m no expert on the matter. That said, perhaps it’s time we stop and pay attention. Perhaps it’s time to recognize the areas of our own fragmentation and try to recollect the pieces.

Life Examined. Today…

use this journal prompt: Are there things you do or say that are at odds with the values you hold? Be honest because the truth helps us recollect the fragments.

A Tool for Defragmenting

THE BOOK OF WAKING UP —a book on addiction, attachment, and the Divine Love—launched TUESDAY so order a copy or ten at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Bookish (my favorite indie bookseller). Then, forward this post to a friend and ask them to read along.